I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
