All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
