Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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