After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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