Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
