it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Let's get the cat blown out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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