I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
