a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
