her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
