She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
