I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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