I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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