Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't deserve a penis
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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