I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
