Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
