Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
