Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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