I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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