Whod you bang
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
