the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
