Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
