PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She told me I should be a condom model.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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