Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
