I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
