Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
