That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
