My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
