and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
