Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Houston, we have a blender
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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