Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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