I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
