he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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