Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
