bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
