God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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