She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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