so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
