And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
