I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
