OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
