well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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