The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
