I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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