u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
