i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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