he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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