You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
