you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
