Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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