this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we should paint friendship bongs
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