I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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