out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
