Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
